The one-year confessions of a 30-year-old digital media assistant
Earlier this month marked my one year anniversary at The Hanover Theatre for the Performing Arts here in Worcester (pronounced Wuss-ta), Massachusetts. I realize it has been a while since I last wrote, and I even have a post that I’ve been planning for a while on all the strange things about living in New England. As appropriate as such a post would be on my first anniversary, I’ll have to save it for a later date. I have other things on my mind.
It’s been a quiet week in the office. Half of my co-workers were in New York City for the Broadway League Conference meeting famous people and seeing Broadway shows for free. So, I have two things going through my mind.
First, I dread the end of the office silence. My co-workers push and challenge me in new ways that, I admit, scare me. I want to please everyone, and mistakes feel like my forte at times. The Hanover Theatre is a fantastic, positive, employee-centered place to work. My supervisors are great at praising me when I do something right. But forging through a week without that push back and feedback is incredibly relaxing and a great vacation of sorts. There’s no fear of misunderstandings or missteps. But tomorrow I go back to growing as a person and as a professional. At least until my mom gets here and I take a week off for vacation. Then I just have to worry about everything I can or can’t keep up on while I’m out.
The other thing I’ve had on my mind and that I feel God fighting me on is my sense of entitlement to “something better,” for lack of a better description. Even with all the great blessings of the past year, I still fear failure. And with all the great things given to me in the last year, with much more on the horizon, I still feel the pangs of jealousy when I see my co-workers checking in at Broadway shows this week. But you have made enough money to save up for a vacation with my mom! Yes I have. But you had enough money left over this month to buy tickets to Aladdin and Moulin Rouge in Boston, plus set up a payment plan for season tickets to the Providence Center for the Performing Arts Broadway season, which includes Hamilton! Yes, it’s true. It’s been a bit too easy to spend money lately, and I need to pull back. But is one french fry ever enough? Is a large french fry ever enough? Especially for an overweight, fried-food lover? I never had access to all these great things in California. I was content with seeing shows for free through BroadwayWorld.com. But now I’m so close to New York, and I’ve tasted what is possible!
Desires are tricky. God wants us to have passions. That isn’t the issue. He isn’t putting candy in front of the baby and then withholding it to be cruel. And, of course, He wants us to remember the ways that He has blessed us and worked in our lives. So what’s the point? Well… there has to be a moment in the internal struggle where I remind myself that I am NOT entitled, that I am blessed with what I DO have, and that whatever life brings, this life is only temporary. There’s so much more to come. That doesn’t make the desires go away, and it doesn’t fix my problems. But looking back at the last year, I AM incredibly blessed. And guess who arrives tomorrow night? My mom is flying all the way from California just to see me!
As a bonus, please enjoy some of my favorite photos from the last year and experience all four seasons, New England style!